The Princess and the Pirate

Open Game Table

2009-03-24T13:32:00.003-04:00

Open Game Table is an anthology of RPG articles that first appeared on member sites of the RPG Bloggers Network. My friend, Dave Chalker, co-founded the network and helped edit the book. A review of the book has been posted on Wired.

Behind the Boxes and Boards

2009-02-11T11:42:00.001-05:00

Boardgame News has a nice article with photos showing the manufacturing process for boardgames.

Nested Niches

2008-12-23T16:45:00.002-05:00

I am friends with a fair share of Japanese women, and I can attest they are often stronger than they look. But dang... Japanese Women Wrestlers.

I'm Trapped Here. And I'm alone.

2008-12-18T15:55:00.001-05:00

Discover the true nature of Animal Crossing.

It's the End of the World as the Norse Knew It

2008-12-10T13:29:00.004-05:00

Nearly a decade ago, I self-published a tiny little strategy game called Fimbluvetr: Winter of Winters. It's long out of print, but over the years a few people have inquired about its availability. I have now released a free print-and-play version, which you can find under the Files section of Fimbulvetr's page on the Board Game Geek site. Ten thousand thanks to E. James Heil for allowing me to reuse the character illustrations we contracted from him way back when!

Darths & Droids

2008-12-09T13:50:00.003-05:00

The Princess pointed me to Darths & Droids, a web comic based on the premise that Star Wars Episode 1 is based on an RPG campaign. I have not yet caught up (there are 190 pages to date, each with a bit of commentary as well) but I am enjoying it so far.

Unpainted Paintings

2008-12-04T10:34:00.002-05:00

An inspiring gallery of digital paintings at Spoonfed Photoshop Tutorials

via Geekologie

Kaiju Girls

2008-07-17T17:40:00.000-04:00

This link is for Ed and Joe...

Kaiju girls

Blood On, Color Rings Off

2008-05-08T13:37:00.003-04:00

The Princess' and the Pirate's console cooperative action RPGs, from ichiban-daisuki to guttertripe.

Our Criteria...

We like console cooperative shared-screen action RPGs.
console = not on computer, because when we play a video game together, we want to sit on the sofa and play it on our large TV with controllers designed for video games
cooperative = not competitive, because we like working together
shared-screen = not split screen, because the Princess gets lost easily, and we like being able to see everything around our characters
action = not turn based combat, because it bores the Pirate and because the Princess likes to furiously mash the attack button and rely on a cartload of health potions; the Pirate plays with a bit more finesse so rates games lower when they don't have a button to block enemy attacks
RPG = role playing game, with all its tropes, because the Princess' favorite things to do are break open barrels and open treasure chests, and we like character advancement, skill trees, finding/buying better equipment, and all that

Top Six...

#1) Champions: Return to Arms (PS2) - RtA just edges out the original Champions due to better balance and a couple extra playable characters. If you've played the original, RtA is just more of the same, including recycling of most of the art assets, but that suits us just fine. The ability to join the forces of "good" or "evil" doesn't really add anything, but nor does it detract. We've played this through to completion at least twice.

#2) Champions of Norrath (PS2) - Snowblind Studio's excellent followup to Dark Alliance. The overarching story doesn't really hold together, and could probably be left out entirely and we'd have just as much fun. Has nice graphic design and some of the best music of any video game. We've played this through to completion at least twice.

#3) Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance (PS2, Xbox, GC) - This was our first exposure to coop action RPGs, and it's so good that we have been playing them ever since. Has maybe the best story of the games on this list. I believe we've played through this twice.

#4) Justice League Heroes (PS2, Xbox) - Another great Snowblind Studios game, but has some kinda blah levels and is overall quite short. We will probably play though this again sometime.

#5) Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance II (PS2, Xbox) - DA2 disappointed us, as it is nowhere near as good as DA1. (There is a significant gap between #4 and #5 on this list.) We found the character that trots around carrying an open book laugh-out-loud funny. Still, a decent game that we might replay some day.

#6) Mavel Ultimate Alliance (PS2, Xbox, PS3, 360, Wii) - This barely makes the list and will certainly be replaced by D&D Heroes once we've finished it. The vast array of playable Marvel characters is this game's biggest draw. We might not have finished it due to frustration if the Pirate hadn't switched to Deadpool and stuck with him for the second half of the game, since having both characters regenerate health (the Princess always plays Wolverine of course) is a tremendous help.

Haven't Bothered to Finish...

Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel (PS2, Xbox) - So-so for the Pirate, but the post-apocalyptic setting is not to the Princess' liking, and there does not seem to be a likeable character in the entire game.

Hunter: The Reckoning: Wayward (PS2) - Kinda falls halfway between a beat-em-up and an action RPG. Mediocre in every way.

X-Men Legends (PS2, Xbox, GC) - Ugh, what were the designers thinking?! The coop here feels like an afterthought, as you are returned to the X-Mansion between missions and the X-Mansion is single-player only! The level maps are deceptive, as there are markings that appear to be doors that are not and you can break through some walls but they still show as solid walls on the map. Inaccurate maps are especially frustrating on timed missions. Some levels require certain characters to complete, but this is not known at the start of the level, and sometimes selecting the "correct" character is a real guessing game. Despite all this, of the three unfinished, this is the most likely we'll play again.

We've also tried various Gautlet titles, but like Hunter, they feel closer to beat-em-ups so we've never really taken a shine to them.

Own, but haven't played yet...

X-Men 2 (PS2, Xbox, GC) - Since we haven't had the energy to slog through the rest of the first one, we haven't tried this sequel.

Currently playing...
Dungeons & Dragons Heroes (Xbox) - We've only played a couple levels so far, but we expect this to easily push Marvel Ulitmate Alliance out of our top six and probably jump ahead of Dark Alliance II. The Pirate's biggest complaint is that he has to keep adjusting the damn camera since it automatically "pulls back" when the two characters get too far apart until everything is so small (even on our 54" screen) that you can't see treasure you're standing right next to.

Game Design Project Management

2008-02-04T17:08:00.000-05:00

As an experiment, I wondered how it would work out to attempt to treat game design projects as formal-ish work projects. We know this is done by video game developers and we can guess it's done by tabletop game publishers for development, but I have no idea if any tabletop designers are doing something like this early in the process. All of the designers with which I have discussed process implied a much more free-wheeling (and organic?) system of notes and files.

To begin, I have set up a web-based project management system to track information related to my game design projects. After trying out demos of the various possibilities that met my criteria (PHP/MySQL) I have installed and setup dotProject. The two things that drew me to it in particular were that the business/financial data is easy to ignore (meaning it is not the focus) and that it can be made very project-centric (meaning nearly everything, including forums and uploaded files, can be attached directly to project records).

What I'm hoping to gain by using such a system is a convenient way to remind myself what I need to do next for each project (through task records), a clearer chronology of developments (though timestamps on everything), and a centralized repository for discussion (forums) and resources (file uploads/checkout) in collaborative projects.

Getcha Some Learnen

2008-02-01T11:00:00.000-05:00

As I know several aspiring writers, thought I'd point to this article on 10 Free Online Writing Courses (via Lifehacker).

Stohlen Treasure

2007-09-12T14:54:00.000-04:00

Near the end of my sophomore year of high school, I found a treasure lying in the middle of the road. It was the July 1987 issue of Playboy. I spotted it while staring out the bus window as was my wont when not studying (AD&D hardcovers). After finally reaching home, I hopped on my bicycle and pedalled the two miles back to the intersection at which I had spotted my glossy quarry, knowing full well that someone must have stopped and picked it up in the interim. But lo and behold!

I had read a few Playboys in junior high, classics from the 70s on loan from a friend whose father maintained a collection in his basement. I had decided that Candy Loving, the 25th Anniversary Playmate, was not my type, though I did plenty of staring to be sure. February 1979 featured Lee Ann Michelle, a British brunette knockout, who shaped my earliest concept of sexy. But this lost or abandoned July '87 issue was the first copy that was all mine. I remember that my first impression upon rescuing it from its indignant resting place was a furrowed brow; the flat, perfect-bound volume was disappointingly thin in comparison with the curvy saddle-stitched 70s editions to which I had grown accustomed. Further, the cover was gaudy, splashy, commercial in that obnoxious 80s way.

But cracking open that treasured tome, a more perfect gem awaited me within. Ellen Stohl had been in a car accident which left her without the use of her legs. And those soft-focus photos of Ellen and the accompanying article, both simultaneously bold and unassuming, redefined sexy for me.

[Edit: Upon further rumination, I believe "redefined" is a bit disingenuous here. Perhaps "expanded" is more accurate. Expanded to include concepts such as subtlety, aspiration, and (being frank) vulnerability (in a quixotic sense, rather than predatory, though is it just as creepy?)]

Like an Orange on a Toothpick

2007-07-25T23:30:00.000-04:00

This pathetic critter is Junior. I found Junior's sibling underfoot with some of its guts glistening on the floor of my garage. Junior was squirming nearby and I reared him on peanutbutter and milk for a day and a half before he disappeared. I choose to believe Ma Mouse finally found and whisked away Junior to safety. I look forward to trapping him (alive) when he's up to it.

For those playing along at home, this makes me 2 for 4.

Narcoleptic Drummer

2007-05-16T00:11:00.000-04:00

In a comment to a post in June of 2004, I warned Ed it would take at least one year for me to snap this photo. Note the experimental muttonchops.

Community Newscenter

2007-05-11T15:56:00.000-04:00

(Parentheses alert.)

Feeling nostalgic today; must be getting old. I've been thinking about how I became exposed to some of the interests that have stayed with me since my youth and have shaped me as a person. And I've realized that a book store, namely the Community Newscenter at the Meridian Mall, was incredibly formative.

Maybe once a month, on a Sunday afternoon following church service (I was raised Methodist Christian and my mother, father, brother, and sister all still attend church) we would travel to Okemos, Michigan, for some dinner at the York Steak House. Invariably, I ordered the grilled steak tips because it was less work if the steak arrived pre-cut. (Nowadays, I even prefer gound sirloin to steak of any kind because it's even easier when it's pre-chewed.) The steak tips came with caramelized onions, which I always gave to my father. (Nowadays, I like grilled onions, as with each passing day I become more and more like my father. This is a very good thing, since he's one of my favorite people, but there are some tastes I hope never to acquire, such as drinking straight buttermilk.) I gobbled up my dinner lickety-split because the faster I consumed my food, the more time I had before the more measured members of my family were finished. And I spent that precious time in one of two places. If I had no money, I would bum two or three quarters from my dad and head to Aladdin's Castle, the mall's video game arcade (Black Knight pinball and Tail Gunner were favorites). But if I had accumulated a few dollars over the previous month, I would head down to the bookstore.

If memory serves, the Community Newscenter at the Meridian Mall was in the same location as Schuler's is now. Ah, many, many fond memories of Community Newscenter on Sunday afternoons. The bargain tables full of beautiful coffee table books with big red sale stickers on their covers. Furtive glances at the skin rags on the top shelf of the magazine rack. And the eye-widening wonders of the glorious gaming corner. The importance of that place in my youth cannot be overestimated, for there I purchased my first RPG (Tunnels & Trolls), first adventure board game (Barbarian Prince), my first graphic novel (Ulysses, which I nervously bought with entirely Canadian change), and even my first novel (well, collection of short stories, Untouched by Human Hands by Robert Sheckley).

So to whomever might have been the managers and product buyers at that long-gone haven of my youth, I give you my gratitude and my thanks.

Another Nerd Detector

2007-05-11T09:49:00.000-04:00

If someone playing a video game nearby shouts, "Suck it, Leeotch!" and, without bothering to look at the screen, your mind's eye conjures an undead sorcerer, there can be no doubt.

Henceforth

2007-04-27T12:55:00.000-04:00

Some folks are picky, and that's ok. Some people are indecisive, and that is also just fine. But in combination... sigh.

So, new law: If you are going to be choosy, then you must choose. So mote it be.

The Frugal Date

2007-04-18T15:38:00.000-04:00

The Princess and I had a hot date last night. No need to avert your eyes; we're old married nerds, so in context "hot" means the Princess regaled me with exploits of her intrepid druid in protracted battle with Dugog the ogre. That there was a nerd detector; you may now self-assess... if you thought to yourself, "hey, that does sound kinda hot," then there can be no doubt.

Being part Scottish, and therefore partly not crap, the thrifty nature of our night out became a point of interest to me...

$ 7.00 = total for both of our movie tickets on Discount Tuesday (we enjoyed Shooter)
$ 2.75 = Gummi Bears (which I called "extravagant", Princess called "staple")
$12.40 = pizza, soup, sodas, cinnamon rolls for two at CiCi's
------
$22.15 = grand total for the date

That was our first visit to CiCi's Pizza and I say with certainty that we shall return. We arrived 20 minutes before their closing time of 10:00pm and we had the place to ourselves. We asked if they were trying to close up, but the manager (district manager, it turned out) assured us that we could and should dine. During peak hours, he explained, they have 20 kinds of pizza in 10 minute rotation, but as they were preparing to close, they had shut down the pizza buffet. Instead, he said they would happily prepare a custom pizza for us with our toppings of choice. He insisted on making a pizza for each of us, but we finally convinced him we would never eat that much, so he made one half with fungus (alas, one of the Princess' only two disgusting habits) and half without. I also overheard him asking the cook to throw in a fresh batch of their cinnamon rolls. Everything was quite tasty. As we turned to leave, the manager stopped us in our tracks, boxed up the whole slab of cinnamon rolls and sent them along with us. I recommend CiCi's without hesitation.

My Childhood Hero

2007-01-31T13:21:00.000-05:00

Hey, look, there's a weblog here.

When I was six years of age, I was pulled out of my class at North Aurelius Elementary School for about 10 minutes to participate in a sort of interview with an MSU student. I didn't (and don't) understand what the selection process was and I didn't (and don't) fully understand what the purpose was. My understandably nebulous recollection hovers near the student studying gender indoctrination, but for some reason, I thought poetry was also involved.

Whatever the case, one of the questions was whether or not I had a hero. I don't believe that, to that point, I had given it any thought. But a moment later, I blurted out, "Jack Lambert." Why had his name come so readily to mind? Because I had his trading card. I had a handful of other football cards too, so I'm not sure how I selected Lambert specifically. I really didn't know anything about him other than what he looked like (from the photo on the card), the team for which he played (Pittsburgh Steelers), and that he was a linebacker.

And who was this Jack Lambert, you are probably asking while only half caring. On a whim, I just looked him up. Turns out that he might have been the greatest defensive player in the history of American football. If you're interested, you can read a little about him on wikipedia. By the time I was in high school, I realized that my true hero was (and is) my father. But Lambert's name stuck with me all these years.

Coincidentally, I remember only one other question from the interview. The student asked me if there was anything boys could do that girls couldn't. I felt confused and told her no (this I credit to my parents). Then, after a few seconds I said, "but I know something girls can do that boys can't." When she prompted for the conclusion of my thought I exclaimed, "have babies!"

State of Denial

2006-10-06T19:23:00.000-04:00

1. There are no Star Wars prequels. The saga begins with Episode IV: A New Hope and ends with Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi. You think you've seen Episodes I - III? *shakes head sadly* You poor soul, your delusions are truly frightening, aren't they?

2. There can be only one Highlander movie.

3. There are two Alien movies: Alien and Aliens. Anything you believe you may have seen after that was simply a result of indigestion. Besides, it wouldn't make sense... Alienses?

4. Star Trek: Generations? Sorry, that's a myth. Never happened.

5. Airwolf had three seasons. Period. That show some say was broadcasted on USA network in which Dominic died, Stringfellow was injured and whisked away, and Archangel and Caitlin simply disappeared, was a bastardized imposter designed to reduce true Airwolf fans to tears. Not that I would know...

6. The last six years in American history are just part of a particularly nasty nightmare. Hopefully, I'll wake up soon and discover that Clinton's still president, the economy is booming, we're not at war with anyone, and the Constitution and Bill of Rights still mean something. Please, let me wake up soon.

Would Smell As Sweat

2006-05-04T15:42:00.000-04:00

I have a fondness for proper nouns that unintentionally form complete and ribald sentences when uttered aloud. My favorite has always been the esteemed adventure author of yore, Henry Rider Haggard. But today, that was rivaled when I looked up the UPS tracking for my currently-en-route Nintendo DS Lite, being imported from Hong Kong. The package's hop just prior to Louisville, KY, was a city called Chek Lap Kok.

I used to remember one other, which I no longer recall. If you happen to know any, please comment them to me.

By the bye, the DS Lite will be available in the US in mid-June, should you wish to purchase one. I wanted one sooner as the princess and I have a very, very long plane trip coming up in two weeks.

Pinball Hall of Fame

2006-03-29T14:25:00.000-05:00

While reading The Consumerist, I ran across the link to an article about the Pinball Hall of Fame in Las Vegas. Turns out that it is the labor of love for one of the Arnold brothers, who opened Pinball Pete's decades ago right here in Lansing! And he gives the proceeds from the Hall of Fame, which is open to the public, to the Salvation Army. Interesting article about an interesting guy; give it a read if you have any interest in pinball. If I ever visit Vegas, I am totally there.

Six Films I Think Are Better Than You Think

2006-03-14T13:37:00.000-05:00

As a followup to yesterday's post, here are six flicks I rated higher than the average by the widest margin...

Title	My Rating	IMDB Average	Difference
Joe Versus the Volcano (1990)	8	5.3	+2.7
Waterworld (1995)	8	5.3	+2.7
El Diablo (1990) (TV)	8	5.6	+2.4
Dead Awake (2001)	7	4.8	+2.2
Onmyoji 2 (2003)	7	4.8	+2.2
The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)	6	3.8	+2.2

Now, note that I didn't find Pluto Nash to be a masterpiece of cinema; I rated it a solid 6. But nor is it the celluloid sludge people make it out to be. I think it's fun.

Onmyoji 2 I liked a little better than its predecessor.

Dead Awake is the kind of film I would like to make if I were a moviemaker. It's chock full of short twists and interesting, quirky characters (but not so quirky as to annoy me). I found it to be very original and well performed.

I don't generally go for Westerns, and that's why I like El Diablo. If you do heart Westerns, it will probably turn you off.

Why Waterworld gets such a bad rap I cannot fathom (pun intended). It's fun, adventurous, has some interesting ideas, and Costner is perfect in this role, possibly because he has minimal dialog. Hopper excels as the quintessential bad-guy-frustrated-by-inept-minions.

In contrast, I understand how many people just don't get Joe Versus the Volcano. At least I thought I did. I expected an inverse bell curve in its ratings, with scores bunched at the extremes; this turns out not to be so. The only revealing stat appears to show that young people (under 18) hate this movie. So that makes me wonder if enjoyment of this one is at least partly generational. I imagine the younger crowd feeling about Office Space the way I feel about JVtV. That is, it inspires me toward doing something meaningful. I'm not there yet, but maybe if I watch JVtV another time or two?

Six Movies I Think Are Worse Than You Think

2006-03-13T13:20:00.000-05:00

Playing with my IMDB ratings, I decided to look at where my tastes differ from the general public. One thing to note is that my IMDB ratings list does not contain every movie I've ever seen; I've never taken the time to retro-actively/spectively score flicks from the past. But such does carry the benefit of only ever having rated a movie while it's fresh in my mind. Also note that these six films are NOT my lowest rated films, but are those that I rated lower than the average by the widest margin...

Title	My Rating	IMDB Average	Difference
Jackass: The Movie (2002)	2	6	-4
"Rose Red" (2002) (mini)	3	6.3	-3.3
Skyscraper Souls (1932)	4	7.2	-3.2
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)	2	5.2	-3.2
Monsters, Inc. (2001)	5	8	-3
Solyaris (1972)	5	8	-3

Jackass and 1000 Corpses are no real surprise, as I'm not part of the target demographic (severe cognitive deficiency).

Rose Red would have worked better had it been condensed to normal motion picture length, concentrating the sparse elements of suspense, but I doubt I'd be able to raise its rating more than a point even so.

Monsters, Inc. is pop children's fare, which adults are able to enjoy also. And I did enjoy it, just not more than most other movies I've seen.

Solyaris (that's the original Russian version) is a tough one. It is Too Long. Yet, it almost needs to be so, since the premise requires the viewer to marinate in its atmosphere in order to buy in. Ultimately, though, it's just not worth the wait. I've seen parts of the 2002 remake, Solaris (no "y"), but that didn't seem to grab me either, though it is merely half the length of the original. Ultimately, I wonder if enjoyment of this story boils down to whether or not you find the premise a fascinating idea. And I guess I don't.

The biggest surprise has to be Skyscraper Souls. In general, I love old black-and-whate cinema classics. They often appeal based on the acting chemistry and snappy dialog. But Skyscraper Souls just felt flat and dull to me.

Obviously, YMMV.

Bow Down, Civ Players

2006-02-02T10:17:00.000-05:00

[sung to the tune of the old Oscar Meyer TV ad; to preserve cadence, sing the "S" of Sidney in place of the original "it's"]

My designer has a first name
S I D N E Y
My designer has a second name
It's M E I E R
Oh I love to play it without rest
And if you ask me why, I'd guess...
Cuz that Sid Meier's at his best
In P I R A T E S

VG Tales

2005-12-16T12:55:00.000-05:00

I don't have children and I'm not gonna, but I have several friends who struggle with the issue of how much video gaming is too much for their snappers. So, some food for their thought.

Eight Foot Robot

2005-11-15T22:22:00.000-05:00

Tonight, Jim finally admitted why he avoids me by attending only the summer conventions he knows I won't be at:

"I've been meaning to tell you that I think of you every time I hear 'Domo Arrigato, Mister Roboto.' I'll go one further: I also think of you when I see Penne Rigate (the pasta). This is because seeing it makes me sing, 'do-mo arr-ee-GAHT-o pen-NAY ree-GAHT-ay.'"

Ha! Further evidence that my Humian powers of association cannot be overcome by more meatles.

Top 10 Sci Fi TV shows

2005-09-28T13:26:00.000-04:00

As a result of reading a list of the supposed top 50 sci fi TV shows (found here), we decided to come up with our own list. (Mostly because we disagreed with many of the choices and rankings. Although, strangely, we did agree with the number one pick *shrug* Go figure.) Anyway, this list is only Science Fiction TV series--we excluded Fantasy, Animated, Mini-Series, Supernatural, Superheroes, etc. The first 6 were mutually agreed upon, but then we had to separate into two separate lists for numbers 7 - 10.

1. Star Trek (TOS)
2. Babylon 5
3. Stargate: SG-1
4. Brisco County, Jr.
5. Star Trek: The Next Generation
6. Now & Again

Princess
7. Starman
8. Battlestar Galatica (TOS)
9. Firefly
10. The 4400

Pirate
7. The Twilight Zone (TOS)
8. The 4400
9. Wild Wild West
10. The X-Files

The Princess' Political Test Results

2005-09-28T13:23:00.000-04:00

You are a
Social Liberal
(66% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(18% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Leaning and a Question

2005-09-26T10:54:00.000-04:00

For the last week or so I've been mulling over the role of government in relation to equality. I think many people (but not all) would agree that a government ought to promote equality, but I have been wondering what that means.

Should a government strive toward:
a) equal circumstance for all citizens, OR
b) equal treatment of all citizens, OR
c) something between

Economically, an example of (a) would be the bracketed income tax system used in the US. People who make more money pay more, people who make less money pay less. (Of course, numerous loopholes often defeat that basic premise.)

An example of (b) would be a flat rate income tax, like everyone pays $10,000 per year no matter how much they make.

And I guess the compromise between the two would be a flat percentage income tax, like everyone pays 17% of their salary.

My uninformed intuition is that the compromise is best, which is too bad. The other options are much more cut-and-dried and easier to apply universally.

Coincidentally, I took a little political quiz, via Jim. Here is my result...

You are a
Social Liberal
(73% permissive)

and an...
Economic Moderate
(56% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Democrat

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Theodor Geisel Cost Me Sleep

2005-09-15T13:15:00.000-04:00

Kodomo no toki, the animated holiday special How the Grinch Stole Christmas enraptured me annually, even if I kinda liked the Grinch a little less when he mushed out at the end. But apparently one of his abilities barbed into my subconscious, deeply seated, waiting until last night to strike.

I had a dream in which rotund-yet-serpentine Santas would periodically slither out from behind a piece of furniture, gliding in S curves on their tummies across the floor and around a corner. And I would furrow my brow and point and ask others present, "There's another one; did you see that?" After several had slipped away, unobserved by all but myself, I finally spotted one heading directly toward me. I slumped to the floor, braced my foot on its shoulder, grasped its meaty arm, and stared down into the coal-black eyes of the Seussian Santa.

And that is how I awoke at 6:30am this morning. Thanks, Ted. Thanks ever so much.

English, pfft...

2005-08-05T13:47:00.000-04:00

Why is it that, in English, the female-gendered pronoun is the same as the female-gendered possessive, yet the male-gendered pronoun and possessive differ?

Examples:

Damn, take a look at her.
I would love to plow her trough.

Well, would you listen to him?
I find his examples highly inappropriate!

Hey! Get Your Blood Off My Backglass!

2005-08-01T12:19:00.000-04:00

Oh, the shame.

Last night, The Princess and I were "watching" yet another Sci-Fi Channel original movie. We like to TiVo these and turn them on for background noise while she scrounges the web for fanfiction and I do, uh, whatever it is I do. (Last night, for example, I designed the cut plan for a wooden dice tower in AppleWorks Draw, the only drawing software that ever made sense to me.) Every once in a while we look up and cringe at the horrid dialogue or giggle at the special-but-not-in-a-good-way effects. Then we glance at each other and complain about it. Hey, it's a bonding thing.

So we had this thing on, Bloodsuckers, and my eyes happened to land on the screen when one of the characters was standing in front of a pinball machine that looked quite familiar. I backed up the TiVo and verified that it is the same machine we own and play regularly, Stars made by Stern in 1978.

The machine can be seen three times throughout the movie, the second time all by its lonesome in a very curious tight shot of the head, blood oozing down the backglass! And their backglass was in better shape than mine. Jerks.

Complementary Truisms

2005-06-28T10:26:00.000-04:00

Complementary Truisms:

1) Children are our future.

2) The secret to happiness is to live in the now.

Cut the Red Wire or the Blue Wire?

2005-06-08T17:15:00.000-04:00

Actual game. One mine left. Bottom-right corner.

6 Reasons a Sailboat is Better Than a Motorhome

2005-05-17T13:44:00.000-04:00

For those interested in a nomadic lifestyle, the first thing to decide is whether or not to turtle. That is, whether you wish to take your home with you. If so, you've got three basic choices... pack animals, motorhomes, and boats. The trouble with pack animals is that you must disassemble your housing every time you wish to relocate and reconstruct it wherever you squat. So for convenience and comfort, that leaves you with the choice of overland or seafaring.

A while ago I complained about RVs aloud and the Princess asked how they differ fundamentally from sailboats (which we plan to live aboard someday). Clearly:

1) Pollution - the primary method of propulsion for sailboats is clean and free

2) Noise - the sound of luffing sails is ever more pleasant than a rumbling motor

3) Size - being the largest and most ungainly vehicles on the road makes motorhomes a danger and annoyance to other drivers

4) Ways - the restrictions imposed by roadways seem like a gridded prison compared to the freedom of the open ocean

5) Range - sailboats are not limited to 2 or 3 continents as motorhomes are

6) Sex Appeal - put simply, motorhomes are boxy and ugly while sailboats sleek and beautiful

Assistant Croke Whore

2005-04-29T15:44:00.000-04:00

Playing on a really well-built Crokinole board is a distinct pleasure compared to my inexpensive toy store model. If you've ever wondered just how much work goes into a premium Crokinole board, you can see 12 pages of photos and text describing the process:
Hilsinki Brothers Crokinole Boards

TenNapel is Your Friend

2005-03-11T13:00:00.000-05:00

I've read two graphic novels by Doug TenNapel. Tommysaurus Rex left me a little disappointed only because Creature Tech fell easily into my top ten graphic novels (of which I have probably read 100 or so). I've never played Earthworm Jim, but if you have, you've experienced his work as well.

Crank up your video feed for another reason TenNapel deserves a soft, delicious cookie:
Sockbaby

(thanks Chris!)

Patriotism = Unquestioning Barbarism?

2005-02-17T09:56:00.000-05:00

Large sign on the back of a yellow Motor Carriers Services Incorporated semi truck on my way to work this morning (emphasis theirs):

Support Our Troops
Wherever We Are
[large American flag]
No Aid Or Comfort For
The Enemy - No Way!

This is wrong-headed in so many ways (including grammatical) that I don't have enough fingers even if I include toes.

Two Choices... Ice Floes or Logan's Run

2005-02-16T17:22:00.000-05:00

Old people re-elected a colonial expansionist.
Old people are bankrupting Social Security.
It seems your civic responsibility to take Zoloft.
Too bad, though, because I really like my parents and grandparents.

Spermatozoa or Glasses Half Empty

2005-02-10T14:32:00.000-05:00

My older brother is a musician:
+ He majored in Music Performance at Michigan State University. (Whether or not he actually graduated hinges on a point of technicality. Yes, really.)
+ He plays the tuba in a brass quintet.
+ He works for Marshall Music during the school year, traveling to various school districts, letting students try out various musical instruments and helping them decide which fits them best.
+ He assists my sister-in-law with her duties as a high school band director.
+ He enjoys creating experimental electronica.

It is in this last pursuit that you may most readily experience his work, if you are interested. I have a couple CDs full of his stuff, but you can also listen to a couple of his songs from the following page:
http://www.soundclick.com/urbandevelopmentproject

Will you like his music? When I listen to his CDs, some of the tracks I quite enjoy and others I skip because they sound like obnoxious noise. I dunno... try it and find out, I guess.

Score One for the Living

2005-02-10T10:21:00.000-05:00

Way back in March of 2004 (leans on cane) I wrote about an immediate need to purge my garage of mice. As with all immediate needs, I relegated it to my ToDo list, the surest means of securing the activity from completion.

In January, our drive accumulated enough snow that clearing it became mandatory, so I prepped the trusty '74 John Deere 212 with the snowblower and tire chains (damned things) and fired it up. I swear it was moving day; mice scattered every which way, including loose. At least half a dozen of the little critters. So, I finally ordered me a live trap.

Funny thing about live traps. They catch mice. Live mice. Then, the mouse has naught to do but wait, making determined but ultimately futile attempts to escape. And if the environs of the live trap are not hospitable, such as, oh, say, freezing temperatures, the trap's adjective must then be considered as within quotation marks. So, the Pirate's carelessness pasted little wings on and handed a little harp to its first victim. I stashed the trap until weather permits.

On my drive to work this morning, the corner of my eye spied one of the little scamps running from beneath my seat, between Akane's feet (our Japanese exchange student), and up under the dashboard. Then came the grinding of the vent fan. So I flicked off the fan and informed Akane of our little visitor. While I floundered, attempting to describe the situation without knowing Japanese for mouse (which, it turns out, is mausu in katakana... there is apparently no native word for mouse; are there no mice in Japan?) the wee beastie clawed his way from under the dash and dropped onto the floor next to Akane's right foot. "Ooooh," she laughed, and reached into her bag for her camera. Stuart Little politely sat still while she snapped a couple photos and I pulled into the petrol station slash McDonalds nearby. "Not hamusutaa?" asked Akane, and I explained that it is similar to a hamster but has a tail. Donning my gloves, I captured the furry fellow, who seemed either stunned by his encounter with the fan or perhaps just plain retarded. We walked him out into a field next to the station and released him into a sort of natural burrow formed by some construction scraps heaped around a young tree.

Now I'm one for two.

Japan's Little Prince

2005-02-01T10:42:00.000-05:00

Maybe Joe will make one of these paper Katamari Damacy prince models. Scroll to the bottom of the page for the printout.

Just In Case Ed Missed This

2004-12-29T11:38:00.000-05:00

An uplifting story about a couple of programmers' incredible perseverance.

Ecologically Friendly Driving

2004-12-07T13:38:00.000-05:00

Alrighty folks, we need to start taking care of this planet or it's going to get all Day After on us. So, I figure we ought to start with something most of us do every day... piloting a motor vehicle. Here I present my modest proposal for ecologically friendly driving, chock-a-block with helpful tips.

First, we must recognize the nature of the problem. Automobile engines that burn fossil fuels contribute to greenhouse gasses which trap the stifling heat from our neighboring star like a snuggly blankie. Oh, that sounds nice and toasty, hmm? Think again; if GEO 101 taught me anything, it is that increased heat at the poles actually leads to an Ice Age.

Could we simply drive less? Work from home? Ha! That won't work; just ask your employer. Why won't it work? Uh, because your employer says so. So, how to reduce such emissions without inconveniencing the travel imperative to cutthroat capitalism?

I'm about to explain a method of effectively cutting your emissions in half. That's right, half. Now, you might be thinking that I'm on about alternative propulsion systems, such as fuel/electricity hybrids. Well, they're not bad, but they only reduce the symptoms of the problem. I aim to solve it.

First, you need the right car. Here's your checklist:
1) As big as possible (minivan at the very least, SUV preferred, tractor/trailer if you can swing it).
2) Dark tint on all windows that your state law allows. In the absence of dark tint, suction-cup hanging debris and NASCAR stickers will suffice.
3) Double-check to make sure you have no mudflaps.

The overall goal when selecting an automobile should be to reduce the field of vision available to others driving near you. Hurtling around in the vehicular equivalent of a medieval mace and taking up more than your share of parking are icing on the fuel-guzzling cake.

Second, you must adjust your behavior:
1) The use of turn signals is strictly prohibited.
2) Slow down on the freeway before you're on the exit ramp.
3) Absolutely do not alter your speed when the speed limit changes.
4) Weave in and out of traffic. Remember that the diagonal of a rectangle is always longer than its side, so even if there's only one car-length between cars in adjacent lanes, you've got plenty of room to slide between them.
5) I don't care how hard it's raining, or how thick the fog is, you must never turn on your headlights.
6) Exceed 5pmh over or under the speed limit.
7) Talk on a cell phone, smoke a cigarette, masticate a delicious ham sandwich, drink heavily, for god's sake do something to avoid focusing on your driving.

The overarching aim here is to reduce the predictability of your actions. As a bonus, try to tailgate; this shifts targets' attention away from what's in front of them and into their rear-view mirrors.

So now the key to ecologically friendly driving is clear. If you can "accidentally" cause the death of another driver, it's the equivalent of cutting your own emissions in half, as two smog-inducing cars are suddenly reduced to one. The more accidents you can cause, the higher the practical efficiency of your vehicle. And hey, if you're lucky enough to involve children, well, then you're ensuring the Earth's future. And that's just plain good sense.

Thar Be Treasure, Arrr

2004-11-29T13:24:00.000-05:00

About a month ago, I hosted a small treasure hunt at the Roundhouse as part of our annual Halloween Party. For anyone interested in solving the hunt, here's all the pertinent information.

BACKSTORY:

It is the autumn of 1758. I have been dispatched by the Queen to recover the treasure stolen by the blackhearted pirate, Captain Shallows. It was reported that he had been captured by an officer of the Queen's Navy, Sir Richard Galbraith, some months ago. Galbraith, haughty by nature and made only more so by his victory over the pirate, chained Shallows to his own anchor and forced him to drag Galbraith, riding atop the captain's helm wheel at the other end of the anchor chain, to the garrison of a nearby (though not TOO nearby) village. Though weary from this degrading transport, Shallows remained ferocious, and none of Galbraith's men dared approach him, so they affixed the anchor chain to a post near the edge of the woods adjacent to the garrison. They fired the helm wheel to provide heat and light for the pirate, lest he die and relieve the officer of his prized captive. The next morning, the officer and his men were found dead, and the treasure missing from the garrison.

When I arrived yesterday, having been dispatched to discover the whereabouts of Galbraith and his crew, I found the anchor and post still chained to the rotting, curiously shirtless, corpse of Captain Shallows (I presume) some distance into the woods. The locals swear that his ghost haunts the forest, and though they have discovered peculiar messages affixed to certain trees, they refuse to have anything to do with it. As travelers, then, I ask you to assist me, the Queen's envoy, in recovery of her majesty's gold.

CONTEXTUAL INFO:

1) The participants split themselves into three teams of two, two, and three members. About 2/3 of the way through, the two 2-member teams joined, so ultimately we had a 4-member team and a 3-member team.

2) The clues were each inked onto a portion of a shirt that had been ripped into 24 pieces. These scraps were then nailed to trees and slightly obscured using leaves, twigs, and the like. The first task of the participants was to locate (sort of Easter egg style) and (presumably) record the clues. The participants were not told exactly how many clues comprised the full set, though they were given a general idea ("probably a couple dozen or so").

3) To begin with, each participant was granted one of the local coins, called a Latin. Two additional coins could be earned by each participant for completion of a Fencing Challenge (lunging with a foil and hooking a piece of wood pierced with a 1" diameter hole) and a Flintlock Challenge (target shooting with a rubberband gun). The barmaid (played by the inimitable Princess, "Acting! Thank you!") filled you in on the locals' collective supposition regarding any particular answer when you crossed her palm with a Latin. Also, equipment rentals (shovel, compass, captain's telescope) cost two coins, one of which was merely a deposit.

4) I intended the hunt to have a 3-hour solution time, which included locating the clues hidden in the forest, physical challenges, solution of the clues, and digging up the treasure. The 4-member team managed to recover the treasure in just over three hours, but they did not notify the other team until they were about to start digging, about 15 minutes later. The winning team, however, had not hit the correct solution straight away, and I had several new holes in my back yard to show for it.

5) I had the great pleasure of witnessing, first-hand, the "ah-ha!" moment of both teams, when the solution finally hit them. Very gratifying.

THE CLUES:

http://homepage.mac.com/princessnat/downloads/Halloween_Treasure_Hunt_04.pdf

QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS:

If you have any questions or comments about this puzzle, please feel free to email me via jdroscha at direcway dot com. Note that there is no "t" in direcway.

Ain't No Tommy

2004-10-28T11:47:00.000-04:00

Hey, I bought a pinball machine. 1978 Stars manufactured by Stern. The Princess and I have always loved pinball, and recently a good opportunity came up when this Stars machine, fully working, was advertised on the Mr. Pinball Classifieds from a guy in Belmont (a suburb of Grand Rapids) for $300. So last Sunday, the Princess and I drove over to meet Lee Jansma at his house, the basement of which is filled with pinball machines and NASCAR posters. He collects primarily old Gottlieb electro-mechanical pins from before the 60s. But sometimes he gets ahold of a later solid state machine and gets it all functioning, then sells it for cheap.

The other machine he had available was a 1979 Bally SuperSonic, which the Princess liked better. It was a higher quality pin, but it was a little more expensive ($375) and, more importantly, I didn't like the playfield layout quite as well; the lower playfield seemed a little claustrophobic and it had one of those straight-up center targets that bug me for some reason. Stars, on the other hand, has a very open playfield; from the left flipper, you can actually hit the top of the playfield (which we be a great place for a target, alas). That means less action from playfield components, but greater ball control.

The game needs to be shopped, of course, meaning a good cleaning (especially blade switch contacts), new playfield rubber, and a little touch-up paint. That will likely need to wait until December, since the Princess and I will each be writing a novel in November. In the meantime, we're having a good time playing 2-player games. Any time I can score with the Princess is a happy time, even if I have to rely on more than 2 balls.

Recent chat on Yahoo Messenger

2004-10-14T10:48:00.000-04:00

In reference to the bumper sticker on Defective Yeti:

Princess: Did you understand the bumper sticker on Defective Yeti?
Pirate: I did, but it turned out to be not what I thought.
Princess: Oh, it means remove W, as in George W Bush?
Pirate: See, I thought it meant Ken Hite ruled the White House
Princess: Who is Ken Hite?
Pirate: But actually, right, it means take Dubyah out of the White House
Pirate: o
Pirate: m
Pirate: g
Pirate: Ken Hite
Pirate: The Hite report
Pirate: The whole Monica Lewinsky thing
Princess:... That was Ken Starr.
Pirate: oh

No Good Choices

2004-10-13T17:13:00.000-04:00

Damn it! We should be choosing between McCain and Clark.

googlepr0n

2004-09-30T11:40:00.000-04:00

An addictive little diversion I devised. Using Google Images, with your Preferences set to Moderate Filtering (the default), enter random female first names in search of pr0n. (It's too easy with the filtering off.)

See if you can find a pattern. For example, does the "ie" version of a name return more topless images than the "y" version (e.g. Mandie versus Mandy)? Which names return the most manga? The most furries?

Oh Ess Ten Too Ate Oolite

2004-09-22T22:57:00.000-04:00

A couple months ago, I posted my six favorite OS X freeware games, wherein I made mention of Oolite, an ambitious game of space trading and dogfighting. My complaint at the time was that it was for Panther only, but the author, Giles Williams, has since adjusted the code to allow execution on Jaguar. I have been happily playing on my clamshell iBook SE since v1.20 and I recommend you give it a try if you are at all interested in this type of game.
http://oolite.aegidian.org/

Subtle Geek Detectors

2004-09-15T15:15:00.000-04:00

On my way back from the vending machines, I realized I was whistling the theme song to Lupin III (an old anime show) and it occurred to me that I was implementing a geek detector. Had anyone recognized it, they likely would have at least smiled knowingly; possibly they would have started whistling along or remarked, "Hey, Lupin!" But to anyone else, I was just whistling a tune they had never heard.

Another detector I've seen is a polo shirt worn by a co-worker which bears a small CyberDyne logo, just some tech firm unless you know they will be responsible for SkyNet.

Day Sleeper

2004-09-09T14:29:00.000-04:00

OK, she doesn't actually sleep all day, but she could if she felt like it. My good friend Aila (or perhaps you know her as [Crazy] Jackie) is currently the guinea pig in an experiment to help determine the effects of being bedridden (well, that's my layman's interpretation anyway). This sounds like an interesting study, especially considering the quintessentially nomadic subject. Read about her thoughts (and share your comments) as she experiences this unusual circumstance on her weblog, View with a Room.

GenCon Indy 2004

2004-08-26T16:29:00.000-04:00

Last weekend, the Princess and I travelled to Indianapolis for the first time, in attendance of GenCon (which moved from Milwaukee 2 years ago). Here are a few notes...

Soylent Green: Hanging out with Dave VanDyke, Phil Chase, and their posse was certainly the highlight. We don't get to see enough of Dave and Phil, though they only live just over an hour away. Buca di Beppo, a family-style Italian restaurant, gave us a good opportunity to chat and act like fools on Saturday evening. As usual, I bumped into John Merrill, and as usual, he was heavily engaged in a CCG session (Shadowfist this time). It's too bad Ed Heil didn't show; and, of course, Randy Cox and Joe Porrett were unable to attend this year as well, which was a bummer.

Indianapolis: While in Indianapolis, I remember missing something in particular about Milwaukee, but I can't recall what it was at the moment. Indy turned out to be a pretty nice city, with more to do within walking distance than we had time for. I appreciated the 30-second countdown display on their crosswalk signs.

Food was fairly easy to come by, though a bit pricey. My favorite was Wednesday night's fare, eating at the bar of Loughmiller's pub; very nice chicken Caesar salad, and their chips and salsa were delicious. The Japanese place in the mall's food court served a great chicken teryaki lunch special.

We intended to visit the zoo on Friday afternoon, but a rainstorm kept us indoor at the convention instead. So we went on Saturday, which was a big mistake. The animals were great, but there were so many children making noise and pushing to the front that it really dampered our enthusiasm. We visited the gardens next door to the zoo, including an mood-lightening indoor butterfly garden, but again, too many kids made it a bit of a drag.

Celeb: Thursday night, I rode the elevator down to G to acquire a few items at the gift shop, across from which was the hotel's expensive, open-area bar. As I made my purchases, I noticed David Carradine sitting at the bar's piano, playing and singing "Desperado". He finished his song and then he and his friend rode up in the same elevator as myself and a couple other con-goers. It became clear Carradine and his buddy had tipped a few back, and they joked with us all the way up. When the rest of us exited the elevator on the 12th floor he smurkingly remarked, "Good! I thought they'd never leave!"

Events: Ugh. Why can't convention organizers EVER get their act together? GenCon Indy dished up the typical logistical nightmare I have come to associate with all game conventions. Friday night was the worst of it; I bought event tickets for the Princess and I to play in a Euchre tournament for which there was no designated area and no GM. Sigh.

True Dungeon neither exceeded nor fell short of my expectations. It is a good way to spend a couple hours with friends. The shuffleboard style combat suited me well... probably my regular Crokinole helped. I got saddled, however, playing the Bard, which requires fast absorption and memorization of a booklet of notes. Our party reached the final chamber, having lost 2 members, then regained 1, and about half of us survived the last encounter. My character perished because of time running out, but the Princess' Cleric went the distance.

Purchases: After playing an intro game as an event, I picked up Camelot Legends. I also bought Manga Manga to play with the Princess. Both were $5 off. The only other thing I bought was the Trollbabe RPG, mostly because Ed has done some work on the comic; but after reading some of it, I kinda like it anyway.

PaperFormers

2004-08-26T16:26:00.000-04:00

If you have a color printer and some extra time on your hands, you might like to try cutting and gluing together some PaperFormers, mini paper models of all the characters you fondly recall from Transformers. They actually transform.

Ahoy!

2004-07-27T13:27:00.000-04:00

Having missed Stephen Glenn's (annual?) game designer PowWow and reducing my vacation days at work, I decided to make something of the leave time I did have off. So, in my roll, crawl, stagger, stagger, crawl toward piratical pursuits, last weekend I arranged sailing lessons for the Princess and myself.

Lisa Berg, the chipper skipper at Midwest Sailing on Portage Lake, Michigan, patiently instructed us aboard a 19' Flying Scot. Naturally, after an hour on the tiller, the Princess found crewing more to her liking, so I skippered the reamining four and a half hours of instruction (split across 3 days).

Day one left me a bit dazed. Day two left me a bit down, having made a couple foolish mistakes. But day three left me confident. We certainly need more practice, but I believe that we could get from any point A to any point B on a lake under normal conditions. We can rig the jib and the main, and can launch and land, provided the headwind isn't too strong and shifty. I highly recommend Lisa to anyone in the area who wishes to aquire the ancient art of the mariner.

The Road More Travelled

2004-07-21T15:36:00.000-04:00

Today I did something that, in the past, I had always remarked I would never do. I registered to vote.

I am truly a believer in non-participatory, non-representative government, benevolent monarchy being my favorite. And what to do when the monarchy turns out to be not-so-benevolent? Bloody revolution. Nope, I'm not kidding. Yeah, it's probably one of those things like how do you know until it actually happens. PHI 201 kinda stuff. But hey.

So, having lived in a democracy my entire life, I had always chosen to refrain from voting, as is my right. It had just never occured to me that we would have a president so bad that I felt compelled to take such drastic action as bothering to vote.

Ah well, staunch conviction is for the weak.

My Six Favorite Mac OS X FREEWARE Games

2004-07-20T00:54:00.000-04:00

In alphabetical order...

Battle for Wesnoth - hex-based strategy game, but units are individual characters and a story thread links the scenarios

Double - slightly quirky version of the patience tile game commercially known as Shanghai (not Mahjong dammit!)

Goban - the finest Go available without an actual wooden board; thank the hoshi that computers cannot play go as well as humans (I've only beat the machine a couple times as it is)

JewelToy - action puzzle game that even your SO will love

Lightning's Shadow - classic artillery game made very very fun (fantastic example of how to enhance the game play of a venerable crusty); I make with the whooping and hollering playing this more than any other

Primate Plunge - vertical platformer with a cute monkey, but the hurt monkey sounds make me feel bad

HONORABLE MENTIONS (that is, the rest of the top ten)

Aquatomic - Sokoban made more interesting by Ricochet Robot piece movement and (gasp!) some educational content

GridX - math is hard... let's go shopping

Kiki the Nanobot - cute puzzle game that is very 3D (think tesseract, or maybe an Escher illo)

Oolite - remake of Elite (nostalgic drool); Panther only, or it would have edged out Primate Plunge in the top 6

Please feel free to opine or proffer in the comments.

Cooler Than We'll Ever Be

2004-07-15T10:34:00.000-04:00

I've been researching 19th century archaeologists for a boardgame that Chris and I are designing, and ran across what must be the most RPGish figure in actual history...

Giovanni Belzoni: Egyptian Tomb Robber. A 6'7" former circus strongman known as "The Patagonian Samson," Belzoni's knowledge of gunpowder, hydraulics, and levers enabled him to transport statues and other large artifacts. On collecting trips, he could influence local inhabitants either through conversation or, if necessary, by simply picking them up and shaking them. Most of the artifacts in the Egyptian Room of the British Museum are there through Belzoni's efforts.

You Would Rather Not Know This... In Fact, Don't Read It

2004-07-14T16:19:00.000-04:00

When I peed this afternoon, I could smell the soup I had for lunch. It sorta makes sense. I guess.

My Childhood Was a Lie

2004-07-13T09:48:00.000-04:00

When you were a snapper, I bet you had a picture book of dinosaurs. You did, didn't you? Alright then, pop quiz: what was the largest land dinosaur? See, you're thinking to yourself that I'm trying to trick you into thinking T-Rex, but you're clever and instead thought Brontosaurus. Hooray for you. But guess what? There was never any such thing. Sucka.

Looking the Part

2004-06-25T17:00:00.000-04:00

So it's two weeks later and I've got my new gold tooth installed! I like it. It's still settling in a bit, and I don't quite trust it yet... I do most of my chewing on the other side. I show it to everyone who will dare to peek into my maw. Two people have told me it augments the piraticality of my countenance.

Remember the Tooth

2004-06-14T10:13:00.000-04:00

Last Tuesday I paid the first of two visits to my dentist for the purpose of acquiring a crown/cap. During that first visit, doc ground off half of a molar and the assistant (who used to ride my bus back in high school; I graduated with her brother) fitted me with a temporary cap. Now, I cannot keep myself from fondling that cap with my tongue. There's a plastic tooth in my head, and I guess I can't get over it. The permanent crown will be gold, which is better than plastic, I guess. But still, it's fake. And somehow, that is just a bit creepy.

Anvil Chorus

2004-06-07T11:37:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, my friend Greg and I fired up my forge. It had lain dormant for at least a decade, but last weekend I moved 400 pounds of bituminous coal from my father's shed to my own and the blacksmithing bug bit. I had expressed confidence to Greg that we would at least be able to bend a piece of metal and we did just that. Two pieces, actually. We each made a hook from an old railroad spike; nothing to get excited about unless you made it yourself. Speaking of spikes, Spike TV has their list of 100 Things Every Guy Should Experience, which they fill with things like the SuperBowl and the Indianapolis 500. But if there were a list of 100 Things Every MAN Should Experience, blacksmithing would have to be on it.

Master and Servant

2004-05-17T14:19:00.000-04:00

This chicken does your bidding.

At the Koka... Koka Coffeena

2004-05-11T14:07:00.000-04:00

I know I've got at least one reader in the Cincinnati area. Here's a little quest; next time you're on the east side, visit the new Koka Coffee house...
http://www.kokacoffee.com

If Brian or Marianne are working, tell them I sent you, and they are sure to be surprised!

I used my brain!

2004-05-10T14:49:00.000-04:00

Last night, I introduced our 19-year-old Japanese homestay student to a couple 2-player Knizia games, Lost Cities and Carcassonne: The Castle. Lost Cities went alright, though she kept starting too many columns, an easy temptation when you're not yet familiar with the game's pace. But she much preferred The Castle (which we have on loan from Joe). Afterward, we climbed the stairs to find Tammy covered in cat and buried in fan fiction (her natural state) and Satomi said of The Castle, "it is an interesting game... I used my brain!"

Top 5 (excluding Greatest Hits and Soundtracks)

2004-04-24T10:30:00.000-04:00

Wow, this was difficult. Mainly because because the majority of the music I buy consists of soundtracks from various movies, TV shows, and anime series. *Shrug* So, this is what I came up with (in alphabetical order by artist):

Ray of Light - Madonna
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy - Sarah McLachlan
Jagget Little Pill - Alannis Morrissette
Ten Summoner's Tales - Sting
Flood - They Might Be Giants

My 5

2004-04-23T16:14:00.000-04:00

Last week, Joe posted his top 5 albums. Unlike Joe, I'm too lazy to provide insightful (or inciteful) commentary. Just coughing up the list, in alpha order:
   Crash (Dave Matthews Band)
   Debut (Bjork)
   Mercury Falling (Sting)
   So (Peter Gabriel)
   Synchronicity (Police)

And here's the rest of my top 10, in alpha order:
   Fashion Nugget (Cake)
   Friend or Foe (Adam Ant)
   Let's Dance (David Bowie)
   Quick Step & Side Kicks (Thompson Twins)
   Violent Femmes (Violent Femmes)

Will we hear from the Princess concerning her list also? We anxiously await!

The Gathering

2004-04-23T15:31:00.000-04:00

Last week, I attended an annual event called the Gathering of Friends, hosted by the esteemed American game designer, Alan R. Moon. This was my first Gathering, and after having read reports about the event for years, I admit that I was somewhat reluctant to go. (I often feel that I don't fit in with real gamers, and annoy them with my somtimes purposefully non-optimal play.) But it is an honor to be invited and I decided it would be silly not to at least give it a try.

I roomed with my friend Jim Doherty, who despite having known me for years, still occasionally calls me Jim. It turns out I answer to just about anything anyway. He and I partnered in the Crokinole tournament, were on the same team for Peter Sarrett's Hot Streak game show, and generally hung out together, though I also mingled and met many new folks. Honestly, one of the nicest bunch of people you'll find in a single hotel anywhere.

The games I played:
Can't Stop (x4)
Crokinole (x12, maybe more)
Employee of the Month
Fast Food Franchise
Fresh Fish
Goa
Hansa
Nobody But Us Chickens
Oh, Pharaoh!
Penguin Ultimatum
Princes of the Renaissance
Werewolf

Prototypes I played:
Alfonzo Smith's Malibu
Can't Remember's Veggie Market
Greg Daigle's Secret Garden (not as kinky as it sounds)
Kevin Nunn's Man from S.O.L.I.T.A.I.R.E.
Mike Fitzgerald's Bonnie and Clyde
Stephen Glenn's Galapagos

Kiddie Fish Porn

2004-04-08T13:32:00.000-04:00

This morning, while I was pulling on my socks and shoes, I had Magic School Bus on the terebi. (I have long had an unhealthy attraction to children's educational cartoons; all my college roommates dreadedly remember Maya the Bee.) So the kids on the show were learning about salmon swimming upstream to spawn. After reaching its destination, the salmon-bus (it changes shape and size depending on the episode) ejected some eggs, with the shrunken children inside. Along came a male salmon. Literally. Male salmon swims up, squirts a gelatinous mound of spooge with a cartoon *splort*, bathing the children (inside the egg membranes) in semen. WTF!?

The funny thing is, every time I wrangle the Princess into a bit of slap and tickle, I hear that same cartoon sound effect. Always wondered what that was from. Now I know... it's the damn salmon.

Perambulation and Other Motivational Speaking

2004-04-05T13:09:00.000-04:00

Hard hatted chaps are performing construction work on the street next to the State Capitol Building, where I work. More accurately, they are perfoming destruction work with a Seussian contraption that repeatedly drops a massive cylindrical weight that transmits a deep, rumbling shiver through the entire office. Though my fears are certainly unfounded, when I must leave my desk, I try to walk without rhythm just in case. It's not as easy as it sounds. Try it. You basically get some variation dutifully cataloged by the Ministry.

I dream with some frequency about sliding down stairs, so a couple weeks ago I decided to try it. Almost works. The idea is to put both feet parallel to each other at the edge of the top stair step. Then, rotate your feet downward, pivoting at the ankles about 30 degrees. Your feet slide off the step and, if as long as mine, should land atop the edge of the next step in pretty much the same position. Ideally, the slope and landing position of your feet should not vary between steps, producing a controlled and steady slide down the staircase, but this might take practice. No, I am not responsible for your broken bones.

Another method of movement has made appearances in my dreams. I've never tried this one. Think of stilts upside down, so that the long parts reach several feet above your head. Then, add large, flat hooks to the tops, parallel to your feet, pointing back behind you. (Maybe Ed could sketch this for us.) The idea here is to step onto the footholds (which are fixed to the bottom of the poles), grasp the middle of the poles in your clenched hands, stride a couple of steps to pick up some speed, then lift one side and back-hook a lowish tree branch. You should then straighten that leg to pendulum forward, then back-hook another branch from the other foot and pick up the original foot to unhook from the first branch. Back and forth, swinging from branch to branch. Works in my dreams, anyway.

Sketch Comedy

2004-04-05T09:54:00.000-04:00

Joe and I were a bit surprised on Saturday when we drove past the Ingham County Fairgrounds. Instead of the typical Gun and Knife show, there was a big yellow sign that read:
This Weekend
Knife & Bucket Show

Trap

2004-03-25T10:05:00.000-05:00

This morning, I set my lunch box on the passenger seat of my venerable Toyota light pickup, slipped my car-mug of miso into the cup holder, depressed the clutch, and turned over the engine. A couple seconds later, the vent fans spun up and produced a sound akin to an On The Edge card riffling against a bicycle spoke. Now, my truck is a '93 and has plenty of rattles and grinds, but that was a new sound. So I twisted the key and she rumbled to stillness. Then I heard a rustle. I leaned over and slapped the dash over the glovebox twice. More rustling. Slapped again. Silence. Slapped some more. More rustling.

I actually allow mice to live in my garage, because hey, it's not very nice to kill living beings. If they were in the house, then I would consider them a health threat and would reluctantly eradicate them. In the garage, they occasionally chew up a glove or an extension cord, yet remain primarily harmless. I let them be. But I can't very well drive to work with one perilously near a vent fan; if it died I would feel kinda bad and it would cause that yucky death stench. I took the car instead.

Now I suppose the mice have become enough of a nuisance to bother trapping the poor creatures, but I'm gonna try to trap them live and incarcerate them. The tiny crimes they have heaped upon me over the last several years still fall well shy of the death penalty. And besides, they're just so cute. You know, same reason I can't kill Sailor Scouts.

Beautiful dreamer

2004-03-19T15:24:00.000-05:00

If only a single word could describe me, that word might very well be "dilatory." In fact, that's what the D stands for in the non-actual case that D is my middle initial. But every dozen shaves or so I'm struck with that tingly sensation inside. An urge to clean my home office. So it was that the last time I had that special feeling, I took the opportunity to hang up a couple of plaques that my crazy friend Aila had given to me, years prior, before she was called Aila. She had hand painted and lettered one plaque with the word BEAUTY and the other with the word DREAM. When deciding where to hang these brazen, morphemically-challenged locutions, I thought it foxy to use them for labels over the two doors in my office. BEAUTY leads to the rest of the house, and ultimately the rest of the universe. DREAM leads to the closet. Now they loom disconcertingly with the iconic power of epithet.

I'll post your ante

2004-03-16T11:29:00.000-05:00

The split between AM and PM should be at 1 o'clock instead of 12. Honestly, does it make any sense for 11:14am to be later in the day than 12:29am? 24-hour clocks avoid such eddies in the chronosphere, but "oh-eight-hundred" seems so, you know, militant. Besides, some of my best friends are meridians.

T is for Tell 'er

2004-03-15T12:51:00.000-05:00

I work at the Capitol Building in downtown Lansing, MI. I have always been aware of the ATM on the ground floor, but only today realized how handy that must be for cash bribes.

Seemed obvious at first glance

2004-03-15T10:20:00.000-05:00

Since they are square and made of vinyl, it seemed clear to me that Twister mats were intended for use in the shower. The Princess argued that they were too large. Sigh. And I'm afraid someone might get hurt if I use one to replace the shower curtain, what with gravity and all. Ah well, another idea down the tubes.

Especially those new tatoo ones

2004-03-09T09:46:00.000-05:00

Last night I suggested to the Princess that she could wear fruit roll-up panties and just drop them in my lunch box the next day. She didn't care for the idea.

6 things I used to dislike but now I kinda like

2004-03-08T15:44:00.000-05:00

The reason for changing my mind is in parentheses after.

Chris Isaak (the Chris Isaak show)
Cris Collinsworth (time)
pro football (fantasy football)
MMORPGs (Puzzle Pirates)
sunlight (not having a window in my office)
sushi (Akagi)

Older = Cooler?

2004-03-02T12:56:00.000-05:00

Hmm, I just realized that I seem to have a thing for snarky, older guys. This came to me as I was watching Navy NCIS, in which Mark Harmon plays the grumpy head of the Naval Criminal Investigation Service and gets all the best lines. Kind of reminds me of one of my favorite characters--Col. Jack O'Neill on Stargate SG-1. I just love his one liners. When Jack gets going, Stargate rules. But for old and snarky, you just can't beat the best: Methos! Five thousand years of coolness. I always wondered if Adrian Paul resented the fact that one of the "guest stars" became more popular than the title character on Highlander. *shrug* Methos is just more interesting than Duncan Macleod. (Interesting tidbit: Navy NCIS was created by the same guy who created Airwolf--Donald P. Bellisaro. They even use the same logo at the end of the program.)

10 songs using shuffle on my iPod

2004-03-01T10:53:00.000-05:00

OK, I'm finally going to contribute to this supposedly "joint" blog...First, I'll answer James' question: John Cusack was the sexiest man at the Oscars. Now, on to the first 10 songs that pop up on my iPod on shuffle (just following Joe's example ;-)):

1. I'm Going Slightly Mad (Queen/Classic Queen Volume I)
2. Infield Folks (Randy Newman/Seabiscuit)
3. That's How Love Moves (Faith Hill/Breathe)
4. Overthrow (Instrumental/Outlaw Star OST 2)
5. Uptown Girl (Billy Joel/Greatest Hits Volume 2)
6. Live to Tell (Madonna/Immaculate Collection)
7. When i Find Peace of Mind (Instrumental/Neon Genesis Evangelion)
8. May It Be (Enya/Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring OST)
9. Cold Cold Heart (Norah Jones/Come Away With Me)
10. The Hornburg (Howard Shore/Lord of the Rings: Two Towers OST)

Oscars Fusionista

2004-03-01T10:33:00.000-05:00

Best dress? Uma Thurman.
Best tux? Uh, they all look the same to me.
Sexiest woman? Annie Lennox. And she can sing! And she's Scottish!
Sexiest man? Well, I would have said Pierce Brosnan, but I only saw him on the carpet, not actually on stage. So I dunno... maybe the Princess can tell us.
Best presenters? Jack Black and Will Ferrell.

A handy addition

2004-02-25T23:02:00.000-05:00

Today I witnessed a wiry dog walking its human down the sidewalk. The temperature was perhaps below comfortable for the pooch, or so the owner must have imagined, since the dog sported a sort of canvas coat. I bet you've seen such a thing. So, though it wouldn't work so well for dog sweaters, my idea for a handy addition to the sturdy dog coat is: duffle-bag handles.

6 most cinematic moments in film

2004-02-25T13:58:00.000-05:00

There are films which are transportive throughout, such as Fellowship of the Rings and Raiders of the Lost Ark. There are films which have endings that knock you from your chair, like The Usual Suspects and American Beauty. There are films with scenes that compel you toward an overwhelming emotional response, such as the punishment scene of Glory or the reading of Thoreau's line in Dead Poets Society. But there also moments on film that, regardless of whether the movie is good or not, bring me to a place I can only describe as cinematic. My mouth hangs open not out of fear, or awe, or even anticipation, but for the pure magic of cinema. These are my favorite such scenes, in alphabetical order. I have been deliberately vague to avoid spoilers, since each of these is worth seeing yourself.

Aliens - Ripley and Newt stumble into the core of the nest.
Immortal Beloved - Young Beethoven lies back in a lake of stars.
Legend - Una runs among giant columns.
The Professional - Matilda begs Leon to open the door.
Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi - Dusk falls.
The Untouchables - Confrontation plays out on the subway staircase.

The Scotsman

2004-02-23T21:32:00.000-05:00

I purchased a new 20GB iPod for me wife at Christmas, and I inherited her 10GB. For the last couple of weeks, I've been weeding out the cra... uh... songs for which I don't particularly care. It is a laborious process to sequentially examine title after title, as I often run across unfamiliar music. So yesterday, I just let it play in random order and whacked stuff out when it offended my ear. Thus it was that I discovered what is now one of my favorite songs.

A magical discovery

2004-02-20T17:09:00.000-05:00

For any small-press game designers who might be reading...

Take 3 standard business cards (2" x 3-1/2") and place them in a stack, then hold the center and rotate them such that the corners of one just touch the corners of the one below. You will get a perfect hexagon.

Mekka Lekka Hi Mekka Hiney Ho. Your wish has been granted. Long live Jambi.

My new license plate

2004-02-19T15:09:00.000-05:00

Explanation for those who don't live in Michigan.

Proximate death

2004-02-19T00:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, nearing the end of my drive home from work, I discovered that the police had blocked off both ends of the country mile on which our driveway empties. It turned out that someone had been killed in an automobile accident roughly an hour prior, and just a few hundred feet from our home. A man and his 11-year-old son apparently tootled along, minding their own business, when some young fellow crossed the double solid yellow and passed on a hill, slamming into the man and his son head-on. Though hardly surprising, since everyone (except, no kidding, myself) travels well over the speed limit on our road and sometimes passes at inappropriate moments, the whole matter felt vaguely disturbing. But the real tragedy? The wrong guy died.

Upcoming piecepack article in GAMES Magazine

2004-02-17T11:16:00.000-05:00

Sunday evening I gave a phone interview with W. Eric Martin, a freelance writer who is preparing an article concerning the piecepack for GAMES Magazine. The article is currently scheduled for the June/July issue. He appeared a pleasant, low-key sort of fellow and we had a decent chat.

Since our conversation, I have given some thought to a particular aspect of the piecepack that shaped its design, but without mental concreteness. I have always listed the piecepack's formative goals as:
1) Flexibility (including genericy, adaptability, and variety)
2) Availability (including affordability and portability)
3) Completeness (including autonomy)

But I ought to add to that:
4) Approachability (including simplicity and familiarity)

Approachability was, in fact, an overarching design requirement, but which was mostly solved automatically by patterning the piecepack on playing cards. Still, always nice to put your finger on something that's been nebulously floating about in the thought melange for years.

Thunderbird Coffee House

2004-02-14T22:47:00.003-05:00

It's Valentine's Day which, of course, means comic books. In college, I gave the Princess one of those sizable red foil boxes full of chocolates. She's not real big on chocolates (or maybe she's not real big off chocolates) so she wasn't even going to open it. But I cut off its head with my vorpal blade and candy sprayed out of its neck... surprise, it's a pinata! No, actually, it was full of Wolverine back issues on her want list. These days, I've stopped bothering to impress the Princess with special gifts on special days since, you know, there's no sense in it. I happily buy her anything her heart desires on any day of the year. And if I were to trade gifts for the expectation of a yank on the bunny's singing string, I would consider it an insult to the Princess.

But today is Valentine's Day and we drove down to Nostalgia Ink in Jackson, which is our comic shop of choice. Right next door we found the new Thunderbird Coffee House. We had heard the establishment's name during the Impact's local music feature on the Jacktown Hustlers, who mentioned they would be playing at the Thunderbird. So we popped in after purchasing our monthly stack of the Princess' manga and a graphic novel or two for myself. I rather enjoyed the place; it has a casual (rather than stuffy), local (rather than chain), earthy (rather than pretentious) vibe. Some of the artwork for sale on the wall creeped me out a bit, but hey. There's a really nice mural of some historical revolutionaries which makes a good quiz. And the sign on their door says they have wireless. Step on in if you're down Jackson way.

6 best films that draw blank stares when I mention them

2004-02-13T10:37:00.000-05:00

In alphabetical order. Keep in mind that these are not my favorite films of all time, just my favorites among those with which you are unfamiliar.

Abenteuer des Prinzen Achmed, Die (1926) - I tried not to cheat by listing foreign films, but this is silent and so eerily cool that it insisted upon inclusion.

Dead Awake (2001) - Insomnia, murder, dog shootings, and lesbians.

Dead Man (1995) - This deliberately paced b&w western stars Johnny Depp and has bit parts by Crispin Glover, Billy Bob Thornton, Gabriel Byrne, Lance Henrikson, and Iggy Pop among others.

Donnie Darko (2001) - Do not let the cover fool you into thinking it's a horror, and do not let the TiVo description trick you into thinking it's a kids' movie. It is neither.

Mystery Train (1989) - Jarmusch again. Joe aptly observed that this film got it right long before Four Rooms made the attempt and fell short.

Way of the Gun (2000) - Bang.

The Princess and the Pirate

2004-02-12T15:56:00.000-05:00

1944, with Bob Hope and Virginia Mayo.

Crickets.

Nope, I hadn't heard of it either, but of course the Princess had. Anyhow, the only similarity to the film is the weblog's title. I'm not Bob. I hope. And I don't like mayo. I'd rather have the Princess under my BLT.

I believe it's clear this weblog could degenerate into an extended exercise in slinging sexual double-entender at my wife. Sic.